Self destruct sequence

Well it's coming close to Adam's deployment. I knew this day would come but it sucks because I'm finally starting to get settled. It really puts a damper on all of my christmas plans, but oh well. I'm heading back to Michigan sooner than expected and to be honest I don't know if i will return. Things aren't going the way I want them to, and no matter how bad I wish I could, I can't make people change. I believe this is for the better.

If heaven and hell decide, that they both are satisfied, and
Illuminate the "no's" on their vacancy signs.
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks,
then I'll follow you into the dark

So after sleeping until almost 9pm last night, I'm wide awake and ready to kick some ass today. I'm gonna look for a job today, clean this apartment, do laundry, walk and bath Vader, go to this community college around here and see if they are offering any 8 week classes that are about to start. and if not then talk to them about getting enrolled in a winter semester of some sort. It should be a good day hopefully. I need to plan a trip to go home soon, but I gotta get some funds together. i've also been in an artsy kind of mood so I wanna start doing some drawings. but I guess that's all for now so until next time...

Where do I begin?
Well for starters, I moved all the way to Kansas. Yep that's right. Kansas. This is where Adam is stationed so I just said why not, packed all my shit and drove the 15 hours straight through with Vader by my side. Kansas is totally different that anything I'm used to. I'm used to the busy city, where there's always something to do, and even if you can't find anything, there's always someone to hang out and share your boredom. Not here. There isn't really much to do ever, and it's not like I know anyone anyways.
In a way, I think that's what I needed. I needed a change of pace and I needed to get away to focus on myself. I am really going to try and get into school out here. It's perfect for me because I have no distractions right now, so I can put all of my focus and energy into school and actually do well. That's all that I want right now. Problem is, the semester already started so I'm going to have to wait a little while. That's not going to stop me though.
Another weird thing is I don't have any money. I'm so used to working 5 or more days a week and making good money, towards the end, the money was really good. So going from making almost 100 dollars every night to nothing is definitely going to take some getting used to. I have been looking for a job though. Anything right now, just to get me by and support my shopping habits.
There have been quite a few times where I just wanted to cry because I'm so home sick, but i know I'm going to get through this. I miss my mom and friends and my work friends so much. I'm hoping to come back to Michigan really soon to visit. I definitely plan on coming back for either Thanksgiving or Christmas, if not both. Those are the times when I want my family the most so I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't be with them then.
That's pretty much it. I mean I have no idea what's in store in the near future, but I'm ok with that. Maybe I'll try to update this thing more often.

I've made up my mind and there is no turning back.
It's time to for me to put all of my faith into myself and move forward.
Overly confident? Scared shitless? yes indeed but I have to just trust myself on this and go with it.

Demf pictures coming in the next 48 hours.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

My new phone should be here anytime now.
I'm sooo excited! After it get's here I have a lot on the agenda today including going to the post office to send a special someone a special something. I have to search for my usb chord. It got lost somewhere in the moving process and so far I haven't been able to find it at the new house so i'm going to my parents later to search for it. I have a whole years worth of pictures in there. I don't know why I've been wanting to write in here lately. Mostly about pointless shit but I might keep it up.
Anyways I'm off. i need coffee.

1. Move out again. This time I want my OWN place. I don't want to deal with roomates.
2. Decorate my bathroom. I've been meaning to do this since I moved in.
3. Build my own computer of awesomeness.
4. xbox
5. Get another dog. Vader needs a buddy. (I can't do that until I get my own place though.)
6. Help my mom decorate the baby's room.
7. Estee Lauder- sensual ( the best smelling perfume in the world. )
8. Buy myself a whole new wardrobe. Basically get rid of the clothes I have now and start fresh.
9. Chest piece, another tat on my arm and a knee to ankle sleeve.

That's pretty much it.

I hate life and all the people in it.
I wish I could quit my job and do nothing.
I wish I could walk away.
I wish I could cheat and not feel bad about it.
I wish I actually found someone that will appreciate me and love me.
I wish he didn't love her.
I wish things were different.


Realisticly non of those things are obainable.